All That I Need…

•  puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
•  gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
•  sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
•  tries to drown a fish in water.
•  thinks socialism means partying.
•  trips over a cordless phone.
•  takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
•  At the bottom of the application where it says “Sign Here” he puts

“Sagittarius.”.

•  studies for a blood test and fails.
•  sells the car for gas money.
•  misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
•  drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, “Airport left”, he turns around and

goes home.

•  gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

This is believed to be a real ceiling poster of an IT firm in Mumbai…

smoking room

Cool!

“Help…. the Titanic is going to be drowned….”

 Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God…

 Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.

 Italian : How far is land, from here ?

 Sardarji : Two miles .

>Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise.

 I have got the experience of swimming even more.

 The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer

 to ask something again.

 Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?

 Sardarji : Downwards… !!

Hitler says: “There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary”

Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? “Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na”

Ek Cheeta Cigarette ka sutta lagane hi wala tha ki achanak ek chuha wahan aaya aur bola

“mere bhai chod do nasha, aao mere sath bhaago, dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat hai, aao mere saath duniya dekho”

Cheetay ne ak lamha socha phir choohe ke sath daudhne laga.

Aage ek haathi afeem pi raha tha, chooha phir bola,

“haathi mere bhai chod do nasha, aao mere saath bhaago, dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat hai, aao mere sath duniya dekho”

Haathi bhi sath daudne laga.

Agay sher whisky peene ki taiyaari kar raha tha, choohe ne usay bhi wohi kaha.

Sher ne glass side par rakha aur choohe ko 5- 6 thappar maare.

Haathi bola, “are ye to tumhe zindagi ki taraf le ja raha ha, kyon maar rahay ho is bechare ko ?”

Sher bola, “yeh Kameena pichli baar bhi cocaine pi kar mujhe 3 ghante jungle mai ghumata raha”.

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said:

“Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years…….u can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back!

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. W hen I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbours daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour’s daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counselling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps !

Regards,
Walter